Surviving Breakups (Part 1)

Not to brag, but I’m getting pretty good at (coping with) being dumped.

My last three breakups were with people I dated for between a few weeks and several months. The one before those three was a doozy. It was a seven year relationship that included an engagement. By definition I had gone more than seven years without a breakup and thus had no recent experience to lean on. But now having four breakups under my belt in my late-20s/early-30s all during grad school, I think I’ve learned how I cope best. Note of course that everyone and their needs are different so your milage may vary.

My overall go to for thinking about dating feels is Captain Awkward. One of my favorites is the analogy of exes being ill-fitting pants. That one really helped me get through the broken engagement when a friend sent it and described my ex as the jeans pictured in that post. Captain Awkward does a great job of categorizing her posts with tags and has one specific to breakups. Another blog I’ve recommended here before is ¡Hola Papi! who recently wrote about being single in the time of social distancing as well as getting dumped during it.

A resource I found super helpful when I was ready to sit down and do some heavy emotional work is the book Getting Past your Breakup. I remember starting this book at the recommendation of a friend and thinking I was gonna knock it out in an afternoon. Then I got to hard hitting reflections that amount to “what were red flags early on and what did you do to justify ignoring them?” That book does not pull any punches. But it’s helped me have progressively better relationships by learning and growing from each relationship that didn’t stick.

Next week I’ll expand on some of the thought patterns and processes that help me minimize emotional spirals post breakup.